Sunday was another exhausting day. I organized some kitchen, junk, dog and Abby drawers because they've been left undone for a while and our housekeeper and nanny just shove things places and it makes me crazy. This time I put labels on things and am adamant that things be put away properly. I know it's just my OCD but seriously when I open drawers and cabinets and there's a mess I get stressed out. Didn't really need to do it but I needed to focus on something other than my cancer and the upcoming treatment. I am starting to get really ANGRY. I took out that anger on the mess...
Thank goodness my sister was here. She helped buffer some of my anger away from David, who really doesn't deserve it. He's just as scared as I am and I don't always know how to let him into my head or let him help. The problem with doing everything household related for your husband, I'm talking bills, errands, shopping, cooking, managing staff, home maintenance, organizing, etc. etc., is that he can't really help when shit hits the fan. He asks me why our housekeeper can't do this stuff. I don't know the answer to that except to say that I must have OCD because I like things a certain way and no one else knows that correct "way" except for psychotic me.
Got some amazing vegan chocolate chip cookies in a care package from Julie and I literally cried. I was ecstatic. They were so good and I am very happy to know that I can satisfy my sweet tooth and still be really, truly satisfied. She gave me a vegan baking cookbook and Lindsey is going to "GET ON IT" for me!! Blueberry pancakes!!
The troops gathered to help me get organized and iron out my schedule. A special shout out to my troops who gathered last minute to help me. This core group will be farming help items out shortly so if you think I left you out I didn't. You have been temporarily spared. I didn't want to overwhelm too many people (and vice versa - overwhelm myself with too many people) and have too many cooks in the kitchen the first week...
I'm feeling a bit better but still know that I'm postponed critical reading that I should be doing to prepare for the port and chemo scheduled Monday and Tuesday...maybe ignorance will be bliss in this circumstance. Plus I really need to read that Betsy Brown Braun book so I can learn to talk to Abby plus I need to read the China Study, plus, plus, plus. One day and one step at a time. Breathe.
Hubby and my girls bought me a macbook air. RIDICULOUS!! I am, however, still writing to you all from my dinosaur, 15-pound Dell Inspiron 17-inch part-computer, part-microwave laptop that I know how to use. I will tackle new technology in the chemo chair to keep me busy. I will soon be blogging to you from an Apple. :)
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