my head might explode from information overload

This has been a long weekend. Lots of thinking. Lots of reading. Lots of research. Lots of talking. Lots of listening. And going through the normal motions of being with Abby and being pregnant. Needless to say I'm wiped out. The support I have received in the form of emails, posts, phone calls and visits has been so welcome and so helpful. I do not feel alone in this fight against this dreaded disease. I feel incredibly encouraged.

We've also made progress in doctor referrals and in understanding more about my potential therapy. Much of it depends on factors that are still unknown. Confirming the tumor type, grade, and stage will all be critical before we really understand what we are dealing with and what the proper course of treatment will be.

Here's what I know. I'm going Monday to see Dr. Kristi Funk (breast surgeon) at the Pink Lotus Breast Center. Tuesday morning I am meeting Dr. Alice Chung (breast surgeon) at the John Wayne Cancer Institute. We are making appointments to see Dr. Dennis Slamon (oncologist) and Dr. Philomena McAndrew (oncologist).  We've also got referrals for Dr. John Link (oncologist but works in Orange County); and two more at the Angeles Clinic in addition to Dr. Melani Shaum who was the first oncologist we met with - Dr. Cathie Chung (formerly at City of Hope) and Dr. Silvana Martino (however, mixed reviews).  I also have referrals for plastic surgeons as well which will be helpful if I need to go that route. The unknown is the biggest issue right now.

Watching mad men.  I really, really dislike Betty Draper. Her new husband is a douche too. I don't know why they annoy me so much. And holy cow, Joan has a big stick up her butt too.  What's going on this season. I'm mixed. I'm also distracted too...still it's one of the better shows on TV.

Talked to Sharon today who is like an Angel from Heaven. She is a breast cancer survivor and was treated while pregnant with her second son. She is a hero. She makes me happy and feel so hopeful. I'm looking forward to getting to know her better and I'm positive I'm going to heavily rely on her through this. Poor girl!!

Talked to Sandy today too, who was incredibly helpful and my friend Karen, whom I love dearly. I'm finding it hard to reach out to some of my best friends though, which is stupid. I just feel like I've already taxed so many people when Ben passed away. I feel that I've already had a tragedy where people bring you food and take care of you and look after you. Now to have to ask again just makes me so sad and angry. I love them and I know they love me but I wish I could be the friend that has great things happen to them and gets to revel with them in delight.  I know, I know...

I've been having all these weird funny thoughts and wanted to post them but major pregnancy brain. I've forgotten them all now plus I'm so tired. Bleh.  Maybe I'll remember them tomorrow.

Oh, also a shout out to my gorgeous, talented, eloquent, most fabulous sister whom I love more than I can say for being here for me Saturday. I love you.