So...after a night of tossing and turning and no sleep, I'm guessing it's from bad seaweed salad I impulsively decided to buy at Whole Foods (ugh)...but most likely from nerves, I was (but really wasn't) ready for my first Chemo treatment.
In the morning David had suggested I remove my ace bandage and check the Port. I told him "no way" but as soon he left I did just that. No one tells me what to do, remember?! My arm looked much better. I nursed my stomach pains with dry sprouted wheat toast and organic creamy peanut butter. Bleh. I really want some butter. And eggs with cheese. But I digress. Abby wasn't into the toast either. Poor baby. I put some strawberry jam on hers.
Roxana started work a few minutes later and we're playing with Abby but I'm just not feeling well at all. I go upstairs to lay down. Uhhhhhhhhhh. Then my girlfriend Peir showed up with some healthy minestrone soup with farro and boy was she a site for sore eyes. She's going to a fabulous organic chef who is teaching her and the family to eat healthier. No plastic. No non-stick pans. Whaaaaat?! I just bought new all-clad non stick omelette and saute pans at a hefty price so waaaaaah. I really need to do a lot more homework. Had some soup then went to nap while Abby went to dance class. Didn't even have the energy to sneak a peak at her in her cute little dance outfit.
I watch Glee (not the new episode but the season finale) while I eat my soup. I am balling like a baby when they sing "Don't Stop Believing". I am feeling the love and the energy. God this show kills me. I am thankful though because I needed the excuse to cry like a baby. I don't let myself cry uncontrollably enough. Who does? We always hold back our feelings and hide our emotions. One thing I learned after loosing Ben though...when someone asks me how I'm doing or feeling, I tell the truth. If I'm having a hard time, I say "I'm having a sad day but I'm working on it, thank you for asking." No more, I'm GREAT, I'm FINE, I'm GOOD just to spare someone from feeling awkward and provide a vapid response. I am in control of my feelings, good and bad, and that's an empowering thing.
Anyway....on to the good stuff. David picks me up and we head to Tower Oncology. Today I have lovely nurse Anne after I requested not to have Nurse Bill, who is incredibly able and sweet but I have a negative association with because of the "adhesive incident" (totally not his fault!). Anyway, they want me to feel comfortable and so I basically got a whole team (3) of nurses to help me for my first time. They took off the dressing and it looks a whole lot better according to them (although it still looks horrible to me).
They spray some numbing gel and insert the needle and voila! I was in business. They started with hydration and anti-nausea meds and I felt better than I had all morning. Sharon, my guardian angel, showed up and we finally got to meet in person!! I am currently getting the third and final install of my drug cocktail right now and doing fine so far. Whew. I was really, really nervous and scared but feel much better now that I know what to expect.
I'm all done right now and I ask if I'm supposed to feel any tingling near the tumor...? Because I DO. They said that's a good thing. I'm pretty happy that this stuff is killing those bad cells.
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