Here am I sitting in a tin can. Far above the world.

Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do....

Feeling lonely and isolated even though I know I have a lot of support. I think one thing that being ill does to you is make you realize that you are truly alone in this world. We are born into this world alone and leave this world alone. It's an isolating feeling. I hate feeling this way. I have a wonderful husband, an amazing daughter and a little Peanut on the way. I have wonderful friends and family. Still I feel alone sometimes. I know what you're thinking, yes, I'm probably having a little pity party and feeling sad. You're probably right. I better call Pam, my therapist, to make an appointment though nonetheless.  It's always good to hear her insights. 

I did way too much yesterday. I spent pretty much all day with Abby yesterday except for about an hour nap. David was out of pocket from 10:30-5:30 with work and the USC game with a few friends. I didn't see him much. My sister was thankfully here to keep me and Abby company and Roxana helped organize Abby's drawers and room. Ashley (aka Dr. Pittman) came over with some fresh coconuts from the Raw Vegan place on Main Street.  Coconut water is really refreshing. And Dr. Kumiko recommended I have coconut water because it is hydrating and calming to my stomach.

I felt like I had a good amount of energy but when I knew I needed a nap I watched TV with Lindsey and postponed it a bit. I mean, I really needed to see the new Glee episode anyway. I love the show just to hear Coach Sue Sylvester's monologues and catty comments. I even fast forward through some of the tunes. Horrible, I know. Yesterday I was in stitches with some of her comments. And is it the same actor playing Coach Beiste that played Coach Ken Tanaka? Lindsey had already watched the episode and couldn't believe she hadn't noticed that. Maybe I'm wrong. 

Anyway, today I'm tired. I feel like I'm operating in a daze or a fog. And even though I keep eating all these healthy meals I am still hungry. Even right after I eat. I am having a meal after a meal. Last night I had chicken francaise, brown rice pilaf and broccoli and then I had some cheerios with almond milk. This morning I had a double portion order of egg whites with broccoli, spinach, mushrooms, tomatoes and peppers plus fruit and a piece of toast and I wasn't satisfied. I called Dr. Daly to ask her about this.  She says I need fat. The baby needs fat. Didn't dawn on me that cutting out carbs and dairy was really cutting out all the fat in my diet. Duh. So I had another piece of toast with organic BUTTER and strawberry jam on it. So I need protein AND fat. I've been so focused on all the veggies and lean proteins that I wasn't getting enough fat. Fat helps you feel full and more satisfied. Dumb. Anyway, it will still be in moderation and it will still need to be good fats, like avocado, nuts, etc.  But I won't deny myself too much either...

Ran into Dr. Funk with her husband and their triplets at Cafe Vida this morning. That was a nice surprise. I got all emotional when I saw her. It made me feel like the my "healthcare life" and my "personal life" were intersecting and that this was real. I know that's an odd statement.

One more thing. Even though I may not be able to immediately respond, I love getting your texts, facebook comments, bbms, emails and posted comments. So keep them coming please! Let me know what exciting things are going on in your life. I want to live vicariously through you. I want to be a part of your lives and enjoy your special moments. I do not want to stop living and enjoying because I am getting treated for cancer. I want to focus on something other than myself please. Help me out, won't you?