Ruh-Roh Shaggy!

Saturday I woke up with a ton of energy and was feeling great. Sunday I woke up with zero energy.  What gives? I can't figure out what the cycle or set of circumstances has to be to maintain the energy.  Instead I have to just deal with what my body decides on any particular day.  Also yesterday because I had no energy but was still trying to push myself I started having contractions.  Ruh-roh...

When I saw Dr. Daly on Friday she told me I was doing too much. I needed to rest.  My cervix is getting thinner and he's starting to drop lower.  So starting yesterday all I did was rest (Saturday I still did some stuff but not TOO much).  I was in bed most of the day Sunday except for a nice breakfast out with friends (Abby's BFF Harper plus Harper's mommy and daddy).  These contractions were really worrying me.  Dr. Daly said the contractions don't count after changing positions or using the restroom. Not counting those, the other contractions just kept coming and I couldn't get comfortable.  I went to bed around 6:30 last night.  I was still waking up with them here and there but less frequent.  Today I've only had one or two.  I decided to wear a pregnancy support band and that seems to be helping.  Hopefully I'm not squishing Peanut too much though.  That freaks me out.  That being said, I need to keep him in the womb so that I can get this last round of Chemo tomorrow and still have at least 2 weeks to recover.  Two weeks or more is the best case scenario so that all the Chemo has left my system and breast ducts and so my blood counts are back up.  Fingers crossed!!

Had two nanny candidate trials Friday and Saturday.  Both were fantastic.  Ultimately, we hired the Saturday one.  She had this really calming presence about her yet she is fiercely skilled. Abby liked her and didn't cling to my leg like does when she's not sure of someone.  Great cook and very comfortable in the kitchen (she made us french toast in the morning and chicken albondigas soup and spanish rice for dinner; we were in heaven).  I left her for about 15 minutes to do something and when I came back she had started organizing Abby's drawers on her own initiative (which as you know from my previous posts, organization is something I am obsessed with...).  Love her.  She'll start next week.

Feng Shui consultant, Laura (thank you Peir), came in this morning to scope out the house and give us suggestions.  I really connected to a lot of what she was telling me.  Simple suggestions and thankfully there aren't a lot of things that would need to be remedied at a large cost.  Get rid of clutter (particularly in our garage which has REALLY been bothering me for a long time - ties into the idea of in order to receive you must also continually give), only keep things in your house that you love; that means furniture, knick knacks, artwork, photos, etc. should all be those that make you happy. Don't hang on to things just because they have some perceived value. One thing she was a big supporter of is keeping the home environment, particularly the air, clean. That translates to natural cleaning products, if you can't do your own solutions of baking soda, vinegar and water then buy seventh generation products for convenience.  Same thing both Sharon and Dr. Gordon were telling me on two different occasions.  Our health isn't just about what we put into our bodies with food and drink but what's in our home environments. Pollutants in the air, etc. He said you should be able to go under your sink and be able to drink anything under there.  Some people may think this is very radical thinking.  To me it seems like the closer we get back to nature and natural things the better our lives will be. Back to simpler times. Farming for sustenance not abundance. No chemicals. No pesticides. No hormones. No processed foods. No excess.  America is all about excess.  I'm guilty of that myself.

Anyway, enough of that "preachy" stuff or that Sarah Palin would call "hopey, changey" stuff.  I do think it makes sense to continually self-evaluate my life and make changes where necessary.  Cancer changes your life. It makes you scrutinize everything inside and outside.

Art came back today.  Woo hoo.  Abby's oil painting (of herself) for her room, as I told Kristen, it just isn't too early to encourage self-love in my opinion.  Ha ha.  The Disney cells for Peanut's room and....the diplomas.  Kristen saw the USC one and said "WOW, that really is yellow.  Maybe he really graduated in 1972?"  Too funny.  He'd be a real Doogie Howser, MD in that case.

Got some messages that I have to coordinate with for milk donations!  Very exciting.

I'm lying in bed while typing this. I'm on modified bed rest.  Chemo tomorrow and Karen is picking me up which I am happy about.  She's my fellow SIDS mom and we've helped each other through a lot. I still think that losing a child is worse than fighting cancer but I digress.  Hydration Wednesday and then Turkey day.  We're being anonymous and going to the JC Beach Club.  I just wanted to eat good food and not talk about anything with anyone.  I know that's selfish but I don't want people looking at me with pity, even with the best of intentions and care, and asking "so how ARE you?"  I just want to be mellow, eat good food and not have conversations on a day where I am supposed to be counting my many blessings.  Yes, I do have things to be thankful for, many wonderful people and things, but I don't want to think too hard about any of it.  I just want to rest.