News from Dr. Funk

I had my appointment with Dr. Funk today...this appointment was to measure my tumor and check my lymph nodes for reaction to the Chemo.

Thursday during Chemo while visiting with Joan, who always has me in stitches, I saw Dr. McAndrew.  She did a physical exam and she felt that the tumor was shrinking.  Err...maybe not her words but she said it "felt softer in places" and that she felt the edges were becoming more jagged...so on to the real measurement with Dr. Funk.

Anyway, got there today with Ashley, aka Dr. Pittman, and David.  First she did the clinical exam (physical touch) and she felt that one side had definitely softened but that the other three edges, so to speak, she felt had stayed the same. Ugh. That was disappointing. So on to the ultrasound.  She didn't seem to be overjoyed but just kept staring intently at the monitor. Click. Click. Print. More pressure. Point. Click. Print.  Finally, she says she doesn't think the tumor has shrunk very much. The good news she explains is that the tissue does seem to be responding and breaking up around the edges but not enough to make her happy.  On to measure the lymph nodes.  She says that she remembered more than 4 nodes looking positive last time but didn't say anything at the time.  Not sure whether to be upset by that but she did protect me from dwelling on the fact that my cancer could be Stage IV.  I guess I'm thankful?  Anyway, she notices that where there were larger wholly-black spherical cancer infected nodes there are now more oblong, more normal looking, white fat nodes.  THAT is good news. 

Overall she wants to talk to Dr. McAndrew but her concerns are not enough to tell me to abort Chemo and go immediately for surgery once the baby is delivered.  She suggests that I may be on the low form of Chemotherapy and that post-delivery will go on the more gnarly Chemo.  The current Chemo may be for containment and not geared for shrinkage. She asked if I was on Taxol.  Apparently that is the stronger stuff.  I know that I am not. My FEC-100 cocktail is probably the lowest, safest form for pregnancy.  After she talks to Dr. McAndrew we will know how to go about the next stage of treatment.  If I have the lumpectomy it will remove the tumor which would be the "marker" to determine how effective the treatment is. Determining whether the treatment is effective is tied to both tumor shrinkage and more importantly the killing of rogue cells traveling through my body. We want to make sure the cancer isn't anywhere else and that is tricky since we already know it's in my lymph nodes.  This is where I take some comfort.  We know that my lymph nodes are already responding to the Chemo.  We have to hope that the stronger post-delivery cocktail will continue to shrink the nodes, shrink the tumor AND kill those rogue cells. Plus I have one more FEC-100 cycle before delivery too that will hopefully strenghthen the results. 

My. Oh. My. I am having so many mixed emotions.  It's good news (sort of) but not great news.  I feel a bit defeated and let down.  Fucking cancer. Fucking stupid huge 5.5cm tumor. You suck. I hate you!! Go away!!

Then I ask Dr. Funk her feeling on breastfeeding the new baby.  She feels that it would be safe but that I should ask Dr. Tabsh about breastfeeding and whether it increases estrogen or not.  Since my tumor is ER+ we shouldn't do anything to increase the production of estrogen.  Ugh. 

I am then immediately overwhelmed by the fact that I will have a newborn in about 5 weeks. While recovering from the 4th round of Chemo. While recovering from a C-section. While transitioning Abby to having a new baby in the house. I'll be undergoing a battery of scans and tests. Then I am going to go on the more aggresive Chemo drugs.  I am imagining that the symptoms will be worse. Where I think I'm being so smart and doing fairly well now managing the FEC-100 cocktail who knows what the new cocktail will do.  I'm imaging mouth sores, numb and tingling hands and feet, vomiting, nausea, and more all while I'm supposed to be bonding with our son.  Fuck you cancer. Really, go screw yourself.  You are messing everything up!!