Happy Birthday to Me!

Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday to me.
You look like a monkey.
And you smell like one too!

I'm fasting again. I couldn't decide if I wanted to indulge on my birthday or fast for my last session of this chemo cycle. I went with the fast because as my Aunt said to "fast for many more birthdays"…

Last night while lying in bed I started massaging my empty stomach because sometimes the fasting makes the stomach feel like a dried up rock. Sometimes you get cramps. I was only trying to be gentle to my stomach and give it a little rub. The area, however, near my stomach and liver was tender and sore. That did not seem like a good thing. I knew the minute I got here I wanted to see Dr. McAndrew.

Per my last post, our insurance company, in all their wisdom, has denied my request for the Y90 radio-embolization procedure. They say it is investigational and therefore NOT covered under our policy. Anyway…so what does that mean for me? I am still hoping they change their mind and we'll know that by Tuesday at the latest. If I can't get that treatment then another option would be a liver resection and ablation procedure. And/or changing the chemotherapy agent I am receiving at the moment. I have heard good things about the Carboplatin/Gemzar combo in combating liver tumors. Not sure what that means about my bones…we know that my bones have been responding to the Abraxane so will they keep responding on a new cocktail as well? Regardless, you never really want to change to another cocktail because that means that there's one less thing on your treatment tool belt.

The kids watch this show called Agent Oso.  He's a stuffed bear that's a special agent like James Bond. He helps kids do new things, like jumping rope, riding a scooter, using a hula hoop, etc. in three special steps. Then he earns a digital medal for completing his special assignment. David and I refer to this all the time when things are difficult or we know they are going to be rough. Traveling with the kids: Get through airport security - STEP 1!! Make it through the flight - STEP 2!! Get the rental car and get to the hotel - STEP 3!!! And so on. It really helps get through hard stuff. It adds some levity.

I'm sitting here at Tower now. This is the C*RAP that went down today. My regular nurse Mary Lou was out today, sniff sniff. I had a new nurse. I came early and got started with the caps in hopes that I could go home a half hour early. The nurses got out of their morning meeting late… Best laid plans as they say. Anyway, blood counts were fine and we were able to proceed with treatment - but still half an hour later than normal so I'll still be stuck here. Paige, my nurse practitioner came over to check in and asked about last week's reaction to the Abraxane. She added the steroids again for this infusion. The infusion went off without a hitch. (STEP 1!)

Then she told me that I'm due for my lupron and Xgeva shots. (!!!) I'm in constant denial that I need these shots because I always feel like I just got them, and I did..but it was a month ago… Even worse news is my tumor markers have jumped up dramatically in the last two weeks. About 100+ points each time. I'm ticked that they are just telling me this now…shouldn't they be checking for these things during the week for follow-up?! Anyway, this means that the tumors in the left side (or maybe elsewhere) are continuing to grow. With the added tenderness in the liver area they decided to order a CT Chest and Abdomen scan while I'm here. Chest to double check on my port and Abdomen to check on my liver.

The *very* best part about getting scans is that they are at Tower Oncology which is doubly convenient since I'm already here. The bad part is that I need a contrast and they either need to take out the huber needle I use for the infusion and insert another LARGER huber needle for the contrast or they have to start an IV. My veins are pretty much shot so I opted for the other huber needle. That really hurt. UGH. I opted not to do the cold spray because they had just taken out the other needle and it could sting. I'm not sure the cold spray would have helped that much but man, oh, man. So glad that is over.  They took me over for the scan and it was so quick. Just 20 minutes. I had to wear my cold cap in there which added another element of fun but it was totally doable. (STEP 2!!)

Next thing is to get my shots. (STEP 3!!!) I'm asking if I should go back to Zometa since the whole reason I had stopped Zometa was because I was required to come in for infusions on another day and get poked with an IV but now that I have a port and can potentially coordinate it my Friday infusions I'd rather do that. Let's put everything in through the port!! It's a power port party.

"Your special assignment was a success, because you followed three special steps! You did your three special steps…now you've earned your digi-medal"...

I was freaking out that today would be hard. And it was. I'm fasting. I was worried about having another reaction to the Abraxane. I'm wearing the cold caps. I got poked in my port twice with increasing intensity. I got scans. I got shots. But very soon I will be home and I can forget. I can breathe and focus on the moment. I can hug the kids. I can be away from this chaos until we hear about my scans results and what it all will mean. There is a crossroads coming up and a new treatment decision will need to be made but I'm not going to think about it over the weekend. I want to break my fast tomorrow night with a lovely birthday meal with my husband. I want to go see Abby perform on stage in her Matilda play and Ballet Recital and bring her bouquets of flowers. I want to enjoy a beautiful beach day with family and friends in this glorious sunshine on Sunday.  I'm still making the very best of each day (and getting through the ones I can't control)… I did my three special steps!