Ugh

I'm having a really rough time. This sucks. I'm lying in bed all the time. I'm nauseous all the time and have to take the zofran. I also have to take mineral oil, miralax and stool softeners daily. My GI system is like what the heck?! I'm hungry but I'm not. I eat but feel sick. I'm constantly uncomfortable. That's all when I'm awake. I only get spurts of energy then I better drag my *ss back to bed. Not even watch TV and relax in bed, more like passed out cold, drooling on my pillow and waking up in a fog. It's really depressing. I'm fighting hard mentally and spiritually. I need to get through this but I feel so beat up and defeated. I assume I feel this way because it is working. But I'm not buying any of my normal internal pep talks, be happy, snap out of it bullshit. I'm just coping. The hardest part is I don't see an end in sight. Where's the light at the end of the tunnel that says "just two months of this and then you'll be done"? Or "One more month and you'll be able to recover and get strong again"...No one is telling me that... F*ck cancer.

I feel like the Calvin Harris/Florence + the Machine song "Sweet Nothing" (again, in case I blogged it already)...

There is a hollow in me now
So I put my faith in something unknown
I'm living on such sweet nothing
But I'm trying to hope with nothing to hold
I'm living on such sweet nothing
And it's hard to learn
And it's hard to love
When you're giving me such sweet nothing
Sweet nothing, sweet nothing
You're giving me such sweet nothing