Let's get it started!

Let's get it started in here!! Oh yeah. It's a party.  I'm at Tower already.  It's 9:10 AM. I've been stuck in my port and the line is ready to go.  One of my best friends Kristen is here, the tall gorgeous blond who is always put together. Hmmm, I don't look so put together this morning but who cares. I need easy access to my port and to be comfortable getting this infusion, right?  One day soon I'll be able to look stylish again (that makes me laugh since I wouldn't have ever have called myself stylish BEFORE regardless)... In the mean time I'll just have to ask Kristen to please wear sweats and no make up when she picks me up!! Ha ha ha!!

I have the lovely nurse Pia this morning and I have a prime chair by the window.  The chair selection at Tower is all about location, location, location.  You don't want to be on the North side because it has the not as fun nurses and all fluorescent lights.  The South side has natural light from large windows and has all the fun nurses I like including Ann and Pia.  The only downside today is that Angela, the head RN, isn't there today so I have a fill-in RN named Paige.  When I ask her about some supplements and vitamins she basically has to google it... "Here, let me google that for you"...

I was really not in the best mood when I woke up this morning.  I was just so angry and pissed off that I had to start treatment again. Having the break to recover, be with Abby and Leo and be able to pretend I didn't have cancer was a very nice thing. This weekend was a whirlwind. It was my last weekend breastfeeding so I was in mourning over that. We had a black tie event Saturday night (it was a fabulous 50th birthday party at the Montage Beverly Hills with celebs galore, hosted by Ryan Seacrest). Last thing I wanted to be doing 5 weeks after having a baby was be in a dress around hollywood stick figures but oh well! Thankfully I was able to borrow a dress (Lanvin) AND shoes (Givenchy) AND jewelry (her namesake line) from Miss Ashley Pittman. The part started at 6:30 and by 10 when we left we hadn't even had the dinner entree's...I hated to leave early but I was tired and I just wanted to be with my babies.  I got home from the party and nursed Leo for a straight hour.  I had to make the best of the weekend even if it meant I got a bit less sleep.  Sunday we tried to have a nice family day. We got out to enjoy the summer in winter weather and had lunch at the JC Beach Club. It's still in that iffy time of taking out a newborn and Leo did well in the car but started screaming when I put him in that moby wrap.  He does not seem to like that.  Partly because he wanted to nurse, could smell me and I just kept giving him the bottle instead.  Poor Guy.  He can seriously scream his head off in a scary way.  He wants what he wants and he wants it NOW.

Anyway, back to the Chemo...I was seriously nervous to start the new regime.  Pia explains to me all the  drugs I will be getting in my IV - 1) normal saline flush 2) Kytril (anti-nausea) 3) Dexamethasone Sodium Phosphate (a steroid for anti-nausea) 4) Zantac mixed with Benadryl (to protect the stomach) 5) Paclitaxel (Taxol, the Chemo agent given over 1-2 hours) 6) Carboplatin (Chemo agent, given over 45 minutes) then more hydration.  She explains that I will have to be continuously monitored since this is my first time with these new drugs.  They give the Taxol first and if I do well then they give the Carboplatin.  They will monitor me by taking my blood pressure, temperature, and constantly nagging me to see if I am itchy, have trouble breathing or any other odd reaction.  It all sounds so scary.

But I'm sitting here with Kristen and all seems to be going well.  We're watching a screener of Black Swan (thank you Karen!) and are enjoying ourselves.  There's a nurse here MaryLou who is hilarious and is yelling at me because I won't lower the footrest before I unplug my IV pump to go to the restroom.  She announces to the nurses station that I am causing trouble and that she won't work under these circumstances.  She's a riot.  She tells us she didn't like the movie Black Swam but tells us to enjoy it anyway...too funny.  SAG also sent me the King's Speech, Social Network and a few others but we're set on watching Black Swan.  I love Natalie Portman and so I wasn't disappointed and neither was Kristen.  Guess we were feeling like a dark movie.  Always makes you feel better about your own life when you see how bad other people have it (fictional or not).

The whole infusion went quickly and before we knew it I was done.  I was feeling fine.  I immediately felt better.  Emotionally and physically I felt better.  I was relieved of that anxiety.  Free to know that I had the infusion and did not have any reactions to it.  Now of course things can change in the next few days but for now I am feeling kind of normal, a bit drugged, but pretty energetic (mostly because I am so happy that I am done, it's over, I now know what to expect and it wasn't that bad)... Days 3 and 4 are supposed to be the hardest so we'll see how I do, and of course, Chemo is cumulative so I may feel fine now but as the weeks go on I may struggle with it more.

We blow out of Tower and I'm on my way home. I'll be home in time to pick Abby out of her crib from her nap.  I LOVE being able to do that.  She is always so happy to see me.  Her little face was thrilled to see me and I just rocked her in her chair for 10 minutes while she adjusts to being awake after her nap.  (She wakes up on the cranky side and usually wants to sit there and be held for a bit).  Then we go downstairs and hang out. I get to see Leo for a bit too although that is short lived since Abby requires my undivided attention and doesn't like sharing at the moment.  I give her a bath and put on her pajamas and I rock her to sleep. As I am rocking Abby to sleep I sing her any song that she requests.   Her favorite songs are "aranya" - the itsy-bitsy spider, including the extra-large spider and the teeny-weeny versions, "I'm a little teapot" - all three verses, our own family lullaby "Go to sleep little baby" and a few other favorites (that also includes another song we learned at Bee Planet class - "I'm hugging my Abby, I'm kissing my Abby, I'm rock, rock, rocking my Abby - it's time to say goodnight. It's time to say goodnight. Goodnight. Goodnight. Let's say goodnight. It's time to say goodnight. Goodnight Abby, Goodnight Abby, Goodnight Abby, it's time to say goodnight." Then I sing that song with everyone's names. She's even tell me who she wants me to include.  Anyway, tonight for some reason she only wants one song - aranya- and then she told me no more.  So I try the go to sleep lullaby and she says "nooooooo...." so then I start to hymn it.  Then she tells me, "No hmm, hmm, hmm" -  so funny. This little girl just lights my heart up.  Even when she's being a little brat. After I put Abby down I am able to spend one on one time with Leo.

It was a good day and I am thankful.  I'm just so happy to have energy, to be able to hold Abby and hold Leo, and know that I did fine today.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the remaining treatments!