"Chemo brain"is a clinically proven side effect to Chemotherapy. This trumps pregnancy brain and Mommy brain any day. If I do not write it down I will not remember it. If I do not put it into my blackberry calendar I will not remember it. Try as I might it I just keep forgetting things. Although I do have a lot of balls I am juggling in the air at the present moment!!
I don't know how it happens but I'm still doing too much. Anyway, it's been a long two days. Here's the most important updates: 1) mysterious bug bite is not infected or anything more to worry about so I can move on; 2) we don't have any bugs in any of our bedrooms (oh no, just the two stealth mission impossible creepy crawlers that happened to target me in two different bedrooms on two different nights) but we will bomb the house anyway this Thursday morning and 3) I am molting like a chicken except instead of feathers I am losing my hair. I'm going tomorrow afternoon to get my head shaved. As a friend of mine, Thomas, pointed out the look I am going for is more Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta and Sinead O'Connor - Bald and Beautiful than spur of the moment Britney Spears - Bald and Ugly. His words not mine but I agree. Bald and Ugly would not be so great!!
As for a more detailed look at the past two days and my upcoming week - I am attaching a link to a PDF of my schedule for this week so you can see the madness that has become my daily life. And this is even the scaled down and de-scheduled version compared to last week! -Jessica and Abby's schedule-
Lorraine came over and helped my upload all the meditation CD's including the special cancer support series with the Hemi-Sync technology. We also figured out how to get all my music uploaded onto this super light and ultra thin but no CD or DVD drive macbook air that I am currently using to write... It was also the needed push I needed to get both my ipod and nano updated and hooked up as well. Now I can meditate anytime and anywhere. Or I can just listen to my favorite tunes and calm the heck down. Music gives me good energy. At this moment I am listening to a homemade medley of The Sundays, Cowboy Junkies and Lisa Loeb. Some of my college CD's....good times.
Went to see Dr. Landres, my general physician since I couldn't get in to see my dermatologist until Friday. I tried pulling the pregnant with breast cancer card but still couldn't get in sooner. So I settled with seeing my GP. After waiting what seemed an eternity (since I needed to eat lunch) I sat with him in his office and waited for him to open up my computer file. He types notes while he talks to you... Um yeah, so he had to update his files with all the new info...29 weeks pregnant now, breast cancer, stage 3, lymph node positive, medical team, treatment, drug cocktail, etc. etc. etc. Anyway, glad he's all up to date and was told that the bug bite wasn't infected (if it was it would be red, swollen, hot and cause a fever). At least I got that question answered for a bargain $125. Oy. Normally, I wouldn't have gone but since I need to take every precaution I forced myself to go.
Movers were here today. What was supposed to be a simple move of furniture and assembly of new baby furniture turned into a five hour ordeal. Ugh. ugh. ugh. It's over now and everything is in it's place. Nursery looks really spare BUT it scared me a little bit because this baby is coming and he's coming in 8 weeks or less. I tried to talk to Abby about Mommy having a baby and it being her little brother and how he'll sleep in the room next door but I'm not quite sure she "got it". Was busy vacuuming and helping arrange things that I lost track of time and skipped my shower and was late for lunch with Elizabeth. I call Elizabeth and she is already there....boy do I feel terrible. But if there is anyone who understands what I'm going through and can be empathetic it is my gorgeous friend Elizabeth. She's my spiritual warrior friend that can speak to me on a deep and spiritual level. She came over instead and I pushed my acupuncture appointment back to 5pm (thankfully since I wouldn't be able to make that either). It is always nice to talk to Elizabeth since we always talk openly and honestly about our deeper emotions. The best advice she gave me today was to "lower my standards" and start accepting that I can't do everything and that it is OKAY. Sage advice. I hope I was helpful to her too in some way.
The last portion of my staples from the surgery for the port came off this morning. It looks alright, it has formed a nice scab but I can tell that it is really a deep, deep cut. There will be a large scar there for sure. I'm sure the fact that the imbecile surgeon worked on it twice in the same incision doesn't help things. I tried putting a band aid on it and that was a bad idea since I am truly allergic to the adhesive. I never really figured that out since I didn't wear band-aids too often. Ce la vie. At least now I know. Hopefully some neosporin and open air will continue to help the process.
I am stalking my postman waiting for my cookies from Julie. Best vegan cookies I've ever had!! They should be here any day now. I am greatly looking forward to them.
Tomorrow the painters are here again... I think I'm skipping the Cassidy toddler program tomorrow. Me and Abby can hang out and do something here at home. Then she'll nap and I want to try to make prenatal yoga tomorrow with teacher Alex. At 3pm I will be shaving my head at the little barber shop my husband goes to up in Brentwood Village. Kristen is going with me for support and she is going to bring scarves to help me figure out how the heck to style them on my bald head. I'm so unstylish and lazy though that if I don't look too hideous with the shaved head I am just going to be G.I. Jane. I'll just wear a little more make-up to balance out my look, maybe a brighter shade of lipstick?
Alright folks. Time for bed. I'm exhausted. I'm sure you're not surprised. I say it way too often! Keep the emails and comments coming. I love hearing from you.
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