Each and every day, in communities across America, expectant moms will feel their baby’s first kick; parents will listen to their newborn’s first cry; and families will celebrate the birthday of a healthy baby.
Also each and every day, 13 babies will be lost to SIDS and other sudden, unexpected infant deaths; more than 70 new parents will have listened sadly their stillborn baby’s silence; and countless lives will be lost to miscarriage and other causes of infant death.
October is SIDS, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and First Candle is joining forces with individuals, local and national member organizations, as well as corporate and retail partners to increase awareness about these tragic causes of infant death.
We have been told that Bennett's death is due to SIDS. An organization called First Candle has been an amazing resource for us and has provided us with a SIDS handbook and other detailed materials. We have some peace knowing that there is NOTHING we could have done to prevent his death and that it is attributed to a brain stem defect (different parts of the brain for daytime and nighttime sleep; between 2-4 months the nighttime part of the brain kicks in and sometimes can't regulate seratonin levels (before 6 months of age is when 90% of all SIDS deaths occur); he died peacefully in his sleep).
We have established a memorial fund in Bennett's name with First Candle (www.firstcandle.org) so that they can continue their work in SIDS research and education. If you can please donate to this worthy cause! 1-800-221-7437 (410-653-8226)
Many people have wondered and some have even directly asked...was he sleeping on his back, was there a fan in the room, was he in his crib, did he breastfeed, did he take a pacifier....Let me say that we did all of those things and more; we even had a night nurse in the room with them to watch them sleep. NOTHING can prevent a SIDS death; it even happens to medical professionals and there is nothing they could do to stop it. The "back to sleep" and "ABC" campaign is beneficial BUT it educates parents to prevent death from suffocation NOT SIDS. So much more research and public education on SIDS is needed.
Some of you have seen this but I want to post our letter to Bennett so I can always refer to it when I need to dream about him a little more than usual:
To our beautiful son Bennett – you know how much we wanted you, always wanted you in our lives. We dreamed of you for so very long. When Mommy and Daddy got married, we would look through daddy’s baby pictures, particularly the one of Daddy eating a hot dog in his little baseball uniform and Mommy would say “I want a little hot dog boy too!” We had so many plans for you. But as John Lennon said “Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans”… You were a little carbon copy of your Daddy and we marveled at all the things you would become. Remember Daddy scooping you up in his arms saying “I’m taking my boy!” and you lying on his chest while he read the Wall Street Journal?
You grew inside Mommy for nine months with your sister Abigail. Don’t you remember her kicks?! Oh boy! You were inside Mommy’s womb with your head up high so close to her heart. We would talk to you and sing to you and tell you how much we loved you and couldn’t wait to meet you. We bet you didn’t get tired of the Dreidel song, did you? We would laugh when you would keep your face hidden from us during all of your ultrasounds. You had us wait the whole entire pregnancy to see that beautiful face! Bennett, you were so worth the wait. We couldn’t have asked for a more perfect and gorgeous little boy.
Gentle Ben. Little buddy boy. Sleepy McFloy. Boo boo heart. Little Secret Agent Man.
5 pounds, 14 ounces. 18 inches. 10 fingers. 10 toes. Back up to Birth weight. 20 inches. Surpassing birth weight. Getting bigger than your sister… What a little chunky monkey!
Sleeping. Nursing. Business in the diapers. Heavy weight diaper contests. Squealing. Crying. More screaming than crying actually…in a good way. You were our little screaming eagle. Too lazy to nurse. Give me the bottle too! Chug, Chug, Chug. So impatient. Tummy Time. Ninja kicks. Getting a bath to some fun tunes, loving the water, kicking like a leap frog, hey…where did those little water bubbles come from?!? Rock star hair. Smiling. Cooing. Kicking. Discovering his hands. Staring into mommy’s eyes. Already such a big flirt with the ladies… Dancing and playing. Watching your mobile. Going for walks. Going with mommy to the store on our own little adventure.
Two months to the day of your birth you left us. You looked so peaceful in your sleep. Selfishly, we want so much more time with you to watch you learn, explore and grow, but we are so grateful for the time that we did have with you. We find some peace knowing that you knew how much we loved you, cared for you and nurtured you. You didn’t want for anything. You knew our happiness and our joy and flourished in it. You are our little angel boy.
Bennett, we love you so much. We have this big hole in our hearts, because you left so soon and it won’t be full until we see you again in heaven. Until that day, we know your pure heart and soul are back in God’s hands.
We love you, Mommy & Daddy
We have established a memorial fund in Bennett's name with First Candle (www.firstcandle.org) so that they can continue their work in SIDS research and education. If you can please donate to this worthy cause! 1-800-221-7437 (410-653-8226)
Many people have wondered and some have even directly asked...was he sleeping on his back, was there a fan in the room, was he in his crib, did he breastfeed, did he take a pacifier....Let me say that we did all of those things and more; we even had a night nurse in the room with them to watch them sleep. NOTHING can prevent a SIDS death; it even happens to medical professionals and there is nothing they could do to stop it. The "back to sleep" and "ABC" campaign is beneficial BUT it educates parents to prevent death from suffocation NOT SIDS. So much more research and public education on SIDS is needed.
Some of you have seen this but I want to post our letter to Bennett so I can always refer to it when I need to dream about him a little more than usual:
To our beautiful son Bennett – you know how much we wanted you, always wanted you in our lives. We dreamed of you for so very long. When Mommy and Daddy got married, we would look through daddy’s baby pictures, particularly the one of Daddy eating a hot dog in his little baseball uniform and Mommy would say “I want a little hot dog boy too!” We had so many plans for you. But as John Lennon said “Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans”… You were a little carbon copy of your Daddy and we marveled at all the things you would become. Remember Daddy scooping you up in his arms saying “I’m taking my boy!” and you lying on his chest while he read the Wall Street Journal?
You grew inside Mommy for nine months with your sister Abigail. Don’t you remember her kicks?! Oh boy! You were inside Mommy’s womb with your head up high so close to her heart. We would talk to you and sing to you and tell you how much we loved you and couldn’t wait to meet you. We bet you didn’t get tired of the Dreidel song, did you? We would laugh when you would keep your face hidden from us during all of your ultrasounds. You had us wait the whole entire pregnancy to see that beautiful face! Bennett, you were so worth the wait. We couldn’t have asked for a more perfect and gorgeous little boy.
Gentle Ben. Little buddy boy. Sleepy McFloy. Boo boo heart. Little Secret Agent Man.
5 pounds, 14 ounces. 18 inches. 10 fingers. 10 toes. Back up to Birth weight. 20 inches. Surpassing birth weight. Getting bigger than your sister… What a little chunky monkey!
Sleeping. Nursing. Business in the diapers. Heavy weight diaper contests. Squealing. Crying. More screaming than crying actually…in a good way. You were our little screaming eagle. Too lazy to nurse. Give me the bottle too! Chug, Chug, Chug. So impatient. Tummy Time. Ninja kicks. Getting a bath to some fun tunes, loving the water, kicking like a leap frog, hey…where did those little water bubbles come from?!? Rock star hair. Smiling. Cooing. Kicking. Discovering his hands. Staring into mommy’s eyes. Already such a big flirt with the ladies… Dancing and playing. Watching your mobile. Going for walks. Going with mommy to the store on our own little adventure.
Two months to the day of your birth you left us. You looked so peaceful in your sleep. Selfishly, we want so much more time with you to watch you learn, explore and grow, but we are so grateful for the time that we did have with you. We find some peace knowing that you knew how much we loved you, cared for you and nurtured you. You didn’t want for anything. You knew our happiness and our joy and flourished in it. You are our little angel boy.
Bennett, we love you so much. We have this big hole in our hearts, because you left so soon and it won’t be full until we see you again in heaven. Until that day, we know your pure heart and soul are back in God’s hands.
We love you, Mommy & Daddy
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