In other news...

I was finally able to watch some of the news about the devastation in Japan.  I just keep thinking, were there people in those cars? Were they parked cars?  During my first pregnancy I kept having these recurring nightmares about the devastation of the world. It was more like Noah's Ark and I would tell David in my dreams that something bad was coming and to remove all our cash from the bank. I told him the cash will be worthless.  We have to buy a boat. The world will be overcome with flooding and the only way to survive will be on a boat.  I have no idea why I have dreams like that.  They are randomly recurring.  I hate to see things like that happen in real life.  I know how panicked I felt in my dreams. I cannot fathom the fear and shock that the Japanese people are experiencing.

In other news, I have cancer.  It's still there. I'm kind of pissed about it.

I am feeling somewhat better.  I went to Tower Oncology yesterday for my CBC labs and dunh dunh dunh, the blood counts were good.  My neurophils were 2.9 compared to 1.4 a week ago, apparently that stupid Neulasta shot worked despite the pain it caused.  I did give Angela, the nurse practitioner, a piece of my mind since I feel they should have told me to start taking the combination of claritin, aleve and tylenol early to preempt any bone pain and side effects.  She said "oh, no one told you that?"  Well yes, someone mentioned it to me while I was being injected with benadryl and groggy but I didn't think to write it down.  They need a freaking handout!  It's on the message boards but why Tower doesn't publicize it is beyond me.  I certainly don't have time to scour the internet for information that they already know yet forget to tell me about.  Annoying.

Yesterday my lips started randomly tingling. It's so weird. Like I put that infant teething gel on my lips for kicks.  They still feel a little numb today.  I did make it to ballet today but was having a hard time.  I did fine at the bar but when we went to center I seriously looked like that elephant on sesame street that thinks he is a ballerina.  Mental picture, are you seeing it?  I was tripping over my two left feet.  Sucks.  I know I should give myself some credit for even being there so I won't rip on myself too much more.  My left heel was giving me some issues...tingling, numbness and jolts of pain just randomly.  And now my right pinky finger feels super tender to the touch as if I burnt it on the curling iron (except I didn't).  Apparently, that is the neuropathy starting.  I'm not too happy about that so later tonight I will have to do more research to figure out if there are additional supplements I can take to mitigate it.  The problem, I have read, with Taxol/carboplatin is that the neuropathy can be permanent.  WTF?!?!?!?  I clearly don't want that to happen so I need to get ahead of it right now!

In other more serious news, Leo is delicious and Abby is adorable.  They make me so happy despite that sinking feeling that I am being a horrible, inattentive mother.  I know I am doing my best.  I'm in treatment for cancer, meeting with doctors and making incredulous decisions that most people will never have to think about; like getting rid of my breasts or not... Cancer is still robbing me of precious moments.  I'm not so fun and fancy free anymore.  I'm a mother to two young kids. Hard. I'm fighting cancer. Double hard.  I'm making it work the best way I know how.  I'm thankful I have amazing family and friends to support me.  Keep your head up Jessica!!! Stay positive. It's almost over.

Well, sort of.  Last Chemo is the 28th and to be really honest, I am so super duper scared to do it.  I'm worried after how I felt last week and I know the next and final triple dose could really be a doozy.  UGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.  I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to.  I'm just being honest!!

I still haven't even told you about the visits with plastic surgeons.  Another visit, and my final one, is this Thursday, Dr. Barbara Hayden.  I'm meeting another breast surgeon tomorrow, Dr. Ed Phillips.

Also, my two cents, Real Housewives of Orange County totally sucks.  So lame.  But I watched Zathura with Lindsey over the weekend and we had a good laugh.  Kid movies keep things light.