Sorry to be so rude but ugggghhhhh. What a fucking day two days I've had. The steroids wore off today. Yesterday was better, woke up, had breakfast with Abby and Leo then headed to acupuncture with Dr. Mao. Went to the bank then went to ballet. Raced to the Palisades to meet Abby after her dance class. We are two ballerinas in a pod. She looks way more adorable in her dance gear though. Then we had lunch and she went home to nap. I headed to Tower for hydration. Oh, and the Neulasta shot. Yippee for me. I somehow had blocked that out of my head but my lovely nurse Mary Lou reminded me about it the minute she poked my port for the hydration. So about a half hour before I left I got the shot in my left arm. She warned I could have some bone aches and pain (and that most likely the next two days would be pretty rough for me)...Well, HELLO!!!
Wake up today and whammo. I feel like my legs weight a ton each. I'm moving pretty slow today. I took Leo for his check up with Dr. Gordon. The kid weighs 15 pounds. He's in the 90th percentile. But other than being absolutely perfect he has this horrible rash. Eczema. And it's all over his body. If it's not better by the weekend we'll start to worry (and call and email and text Dr. Jay). But I'm already worrying. I know I have a lot of stuff going on but stuff like that makes me feel like less of a mother than I hoped I would be. If I didn't have cancer I would be tending to his skin like the usual obsessive mother I am. Instead I am half a mother and half a cancer patient and I hate feeling so conflicted. Half-assed either way. So fucking rude. This is the most important time in my kids lives and I feel like I am missing so many details. Who's going to go buy his jojoba oil and lovingly rub it onto his chubby little arms and legs? I want to be the one to do it. Not anyone else. But life's not fair. How's that for winning Charlie Sheen? I'm not winning here and I'm not winning there. I guess I'm a troll!
I cancelled my appointment with Dr. Daly because I was too exhausted to drive over there. I napped for a while instead and then got ready to go see Dr. Ken Slate over at Cedars. Not really the best time to interview another plastic surgeon but he's hard to get in to see so I went anyway. 3 hours later I got home. My head is spinning from all the information but it was very helpful.
In other news, my teeth hurt and so do my legs. That achiness is starting. Now my left arm near my elbow is swollen and sore. Very weird. It could have been from carrying my bag around or maybe from the nurse taking my blood pressure today? Regardless it hurts and will be under watchful eye. I'm super bloated which I'm sure is from the hydration. I've noticed a ton of little bruises randomly on my body, that is from the low platelets apparently. Most of all I just feel incredibly tired. Plus now I have even more critical information in my head to mull over and I think my brain is going to explode any moment now....let's hope for a better day tomorrow.
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