They told me not to expect to feel better right away after finishing so I wouldn't get disappointed if I didn't. And I don't. Makes sense. The radiation keeps working in my body for two weeks after they stop blasting me. So I'm still taking my naps and not doing much activity. Just hanging with the babies mostly. Unfortunately, I have to continue the Xeloda (low dose Chemo pill) that was the "boost" during radiation. I was taking it during the week and off on weekends. N O W...I have to take it 14 days on and 7 days off. Not what I was hoping for but I get it. Kill the son-of-a-bitch cancer. This is what they call "systemic" therapy. Systemic therapy is treatment for "living" with cancer. Now there is the conundrum. I am Stage IIIc where they treat to "cure" so why are they treating me like I am a Stage IV. But I'm not going to worry about it. I'm young. I'm strong. I'm going to go with the flow. I'm going to just "keep swimming"...as Dory from Nemo would say.
Oh and I bought a new kitchen table at the Bonham's auction last weekend (via phone), and let me tell you it is possible to get smokin' hot sweet deals on antiques in a down economy. We got a refectory table that was listed for $1500 - $2000 for a mere $500 hammer price. There's still a buyer's premium but man, oh, man, what a deep discount. I feel bad for the seller. Only problem is now I need to buy chairs. It's a fun little hobby that is keeping me sidetracked. Anyway, now you know all my interior design secrets.
I read through Louise Hay's "Heal Your Body A-Z" book and here are the appropriate affirmations for my life. Much of what she says in the book I have come to figure out through this process on my own (and from my own research over the years with books like The Art of Happiness, The Power of Now, etc), however, I really love her affirmations. Some of you have asked for my affirmations so here you go my friends! It is all about living in the present moment. Letting go of the past. Forgiving ourselves and others. Being free. Being safe. Reaffirming self love. Yes, I am drinking the kool-aid!!
PROBLEM | PROBABLE CAUSE | NEW THOUGHT PATTERN | ||
Breast Problems | A refusal to nourish the self. Putting everyone else first. Over-mothering. Overprotection. Overbearing attitudes. | I am important. I count. I now care for and nourish myself with love and with joy. I allow others the freedom to be who they are. We are all safe and free | ||
Cancer | Deep hurt. Long-standing resentment. Deep secret or grief eating away at the self. Carrying hatreds. “What the use?” | I lovingly forgive myself and release all of the past. I choose to fill my world with joy. I love and approve of myself. | ||
Jaw Problems (I clench at night) | Anger. Resentment. Desire for revenge. (Oh boy)... | I am willing to change the patterns in me that created this condition. I love and approve of myself. I am safe. | ||
Lymph Problems | A warning that the mind needs to be re-centered on the essentials of life. Love and joy. | I am now totally centered in the love and joy of being alive. I flow with life. Peace of mind is mine. |
I've started telling myself that I am not tired. That I feel good. That I am listening to my body's messages. That if I am going to be tired then I am going to make my body "earn" it. But that I am also honoring that my body is pushing through so much and is doing incredibly well. I am grateful for every increasing health and beauty!!! Remember that affirmation??
Also, next week I am going to start walking and hiking because I have to train for the Avon walk in Santa Barbara. Y E S I am doing it. N O excuses. It will be truly inspirational and empowering!!
Oh, and David and I are doing a getaway mid-August for a week. Some kind of holistic wellness retreat. Perhaps the Amangani. Wanted to do Enchanted or the Amangiri but it will be death valley hot so probably a no-go... Research to be done this weekend so we can book it. We really need this.
Night night.
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