That'll do...

I've had just about enough. Life is getting the best of me. I am trying to live each day, correction, I am trying to get through each day. It requires so much energy and I'm tired, tired, tired yet I am pushing, pushing, pushing. There is nothing in reserves so I'm lucky if after taking care of the kids I can get through one of two plays at scramble or words with friends before I pass out cold.

Last week was a rough week.  The week prior someone I knew of passed away from an 11 year battle with cancer.  We were going to try to meet but she kept spiraling down before I could get to her place to meet her or take her to radiation. She was the wife of one of David's colleagues. She fought her battle with cancer for 11 years. She was the mother of four beautiful daughters, a devoted wife and was inspirational in her charitable endeavors. It really threw me for a loop. Reading her husband's dedication to her had me sobbing.  You can read his loving tribute about Tess here.

Then I had been thinking about my other PWC (pregnant with cancer) friend Annie and she emailed me back that she is having another recurrence. Her third in 10 years. My heart is so heavy.

Then Saturday as I was dressing to go to ballet my mother called me to say that my grandpa Leo was in the hospital. I had just gone to dinner and the ballet with my sister and we were planning to go over there this weekend to video him and record some of his stories from growing up. Instead, I rushed to the hospital to see him hooked up to a breathing machine and heavily sedated. I talked to him and held his hand. This wonderful man who was more like a father to me than a grandfather.  Then I had to listen to the doctor explain his condition to his mother and I so we could make the decision with the family of whether or not to take him off the machines. I hated seeing him that way. I hated having to make a decision but in the end we knew he wouldn't have wanted to be that way. He never wanted to visit the doctor, dentist, or take medicine. He was adamant about it. Worst thing he every put in his body was cigarettes, coffee and benadryl.  We knew he didn't want extreme measures taken. I didn't sleep at all Saturday night. I kept seeing him with the tubes. I am happy I got to say goodbye in some respect but I want that picture of him deleted from my mind.

Rest in peace Lionel Henry Tavares. You are loved. You will be missed.

Life is so fragile my friends. Too fragile.

I've got a ton of USUAL S H I T going on but I don't want to complain. I'll save that for another post coming soon. I've got a lot to vent about. I'm serious. I'm just going to get some sleep first.