Toxic.

Since I have returned from the Avon Walk, the following has happened:

1. Abby and Leo continued swimming lessons. Abby is incredible but it is difficult, yet amazing at the same time, to watch Leo. Abby learns Swim-Float-Swim and Leo learns just to float...
2. Abby started preschool. (!?#*YIKES*!$&...more on that later)
3. I went for a follow-up with my breast surgeon, Dr. Chung. Had an ultrasound and from what I could tell at the time the lymph nodes on my right side look normal, I see white areas on the screen. I know all black is bad.  The radiologist didn't come in to recheck anything so I felt relieved.
4. The nurse at Cedars took my blood pressure and pulse and looked alarmed. She then took my pulse again to double check. She said it was very low. First it was 42 then it was 64. She asked if I was an athlete. Is that a trick question? The only exercise I've been doing other than the marathon of fighting breast cancer is training for this Avon Walk so...um, maybe? She tells me to talk to my Oncologist. I immediately start texting Angela and calling Dr. McAndrew's office. You don't want to mess with heart stuff.
5. Dr. Chung said I look great, there were 5 normal lymph nodes and that I should come back in April (seven months!) for a Breast MRI and mammogram (assuming the final reconstruction surgery is completed and my expander is out). You can't have scans with an expander in your chest because it has metal.
6. I finally got ahold of Angela and asked her if I should come in and check the heart rate issue (and the fact that I'm still bruising easily, am very tired, and had the mouth sores last week while off the Xeloda) and she wanted to see me. To answer the nurse at Cedars I have a low resting heart rate in the 60s. Good to know.
7. My blood counts are very low. My white blood counts are far below normal (even though I've been off the Chemo pills a week) so I can't resume the Xeloda this week. I had to wait to see Dr. McAndrew. She says my blood is toxic so I have to take a break. I asked if the walk had anything to do with it (because I knew David would ask) and she said no. Same thing she told me after my second round of Chemo. You can't control how your blood reacts to the Chemo. You can't take vitamins or cleanse our the toxins to treat it either. You just have to stop Chemo and resume at a later date. I'll start again Sunday. She's also changing my protocol from six months of Xeloda to four. I'm not sure if that's good or bad.
8. Dr. McAndrew prescribed Tamoxifen for me too.  Yippee Skippee!
9. Crap. Forgot to ask her about Arimedex instead of Tamoxifen. Better get on the horn again.
10. Have been so extremely exhausted. But no time to nap since it is only me and my mom this week (and Sue in evenings). No nanny. Agi's on vacation.  I have to take Abby to preschool each day and for the first two days I couldn't just drop her off and leave. I had to stay in the parent room. It's not super conducive to napping. She didn't do that great the first day but it was my fault because after I got the "OK" to go to the parent room I couldn't help myself and poked my big fat head in the window to peek and she saw me. From. Way. Across. The. Room. She started to try to figure out how to get to me so I went back in and then she wouldn't let me out of her sight after that. Darn.  Second day was a breeze. Third day was a breeze too. Thankfully!!
11. We had NO good in this house. Ordered out La Scala Monday night. Tuesday night Abby had her choice which was to go shoe shopping and then eat sushi at Nagao. I did NOT grow up like this. She acts like she owns the joint and asks Shige when Nagao is coming back from his "kay-tion".  (It was his day off). Abby let me go to Trader Joe's after school today, she was a real trooper. She did ask to take a nap in the car on the way back home but then didn't.
12. Forgot my garage clickers in the rental car last week (after repairing the damage to my car from some random stranger that didn't leave a note. $2,000 later, thank you very much asshole!!). So had to drive back to Van Nuys for them. I've been back and forth to the Valley 6 times in the past week. That's not conducive to napping.
13. Abby is convinced she is going to be Spider Man for Halloween. :(
14. Staying up way too late and need to go to sleep. That's not conducive to resting, napping, or sleeping.

GOODNIGHT!!!