BIrd's Eye View

I had to take a break from the blog for a while and may still do so for the time being.  I feel like I was complaining too much and am really on a negative streak. I don't like that bird's eye view of things.  I need to find my happy place. I need to get a fresh perspective.  I am starting to feel better physically but I need to feel better mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  They are all so intertwined.  I feel I have always been such an upbeat and happy person but reading back over my past blogs I realize I have lost that perspective. I could always find humor in situations and try to make lemonade out of lemons. I started out with such vigor to heal myself and rid my body of this cancer.  It has sucked the majority of my life force. I need some time to get back to that happy place. I've been battling depression since the surgery and I want to get out of it without the use of even more drugs in my body.  I am going to focus on what makes me happy and do only that for a while.

Sharon was telling me that there was another young mom that was diagnosed with breast cancer recently and she is 6 months pregnant.  If I were to meet her or anyone who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer I would probably tell them to expect to be rocked to their core.  Expect to be challenged with such intensity that you forget where you came from, who you are and who you want to be.  That the fight to beat cancer can be so physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually draining that sometimes you feel like you can't go on even when you see the happy smiles of your amazing children, spouse, family and friends. You have to continue to generate your own will to survive.  YOU have to do it. No one can do it for you. You must be a cancer warrior and battle your toughest demons.  I feel I am doing this. NO, I KNOW I am doing that. I feel I will be a stronger and better person for having fought this disease but it's not over yet. It's almost over but sometimes the end still feels so far. I know I will get through this but I want to find a way to cross the finish line with my wits about me too.  That will be the ultimate goal.  Things are starting to get better, I must trust that they are.

Until later...all my love, Jess