Taking stock

I cried in pilates today. I am working hard. Extremely hard. I took a private ballet lesson yesterday too. My teacher told me I am making incredible progress but that I seem weak. Weaker than before. She suggested I get my blood checked just to make sure. I don't want to. I'm having a brief moment of being in denial. I just don't want to do it at the moment. It's the beginning of the Holiday season and I don't want to "go there"...I have a PET/CT scheduled December 12th and an appointment with Dr. McAndrew on the 14th to review the results. I can get it all done at that time. I don't feel I have cancer and the scan will confirm it. I am choosing to believe this; that means that I don't need to make time to schedule an extra appointment...I'm tired sure, but I am also a mom to two young children and that will make ANYONE tired.

This is a photo of me at my weakest point, or correction, one of my weaker moments of the past year. I still can't decide if it was the mastectomy or the radiation that was hardest but I digress. It was taken by my beautiful friend Ashley as I was getting some platelets after my mastectomy in late April. I do not recognize this person. If you saw me today you would have NO idea that I had been to hell and back in the past year. Nor would you believe that I am the person in this photo. As Thanksgiving approached this year I knew I had a lot to be thankful for in my life. I am so happy not to be at that weak point anymore. I am thrilled to be in a place where I can begin to move forward but now knowing new depths to my soul and character. 

I am so thankful to announce that I am OFF the lexapro and trazedone. No more anti-depressants or sleeping aids. I started taking those just after this photo was taken actually. I feel I am making things work to the best of my abilities. I don't want excess drugs in my system. I already have to take the lupron and tamoxifen for 5 years and that is enough.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. It is a great opportunity to "take stock" of what you are grateful for in your life and for acknowledging all that you have achieved, learned, built, shared, loved, and gave back in the past year and to make plans for all that you hope to do in the coming year to make you even more grateful the following year.