Lots of things have been happening but it's just more of the usual for me...
Here's a typical day for me.
Wake up to Abby or Leo around 6, 6:30ish. They alternate. Leo is sleeping through the night. He is such a good little baby boy. He's 22.5 pounds at 6 months. He is gorgeous with big blue eyes and fair skin like his sister and chubby folds on his arms and legs. He smiles all day long and rarely cries except to tell you he's tired or hungry. I was so worried after Abby's demanding antics that having a second one could be just as difficult as the first but he has such a mellow temperament that we are truly blessed.
I get dressed. Race downstairs to either make Abby breakfast or help her "help" me make my super green smoothie and a sprouted grain english muffin (with earth balance butter and strawberry preserves). Race out the door to radiation...
Every morning, Monday through Friday
7:45AM - RADIATION
- It takes about ten minutes, most of that time is setting up my body on the special "body form" that they use to position me for the lasers and the beams. I lay there with my arm above my head and close my eyes while the linear accelerator machine does it's magic. There are three different positions that they beam me at. I do not glow. I do not emit radioactive rays of any kind. I change then race back home. I have to do 35 (THIRTY FIVE) rounds of radiation. As of today, Wednesday June 22nd, I have completed 11. They told me when I first started that the effects of radiation really start to take their toll after round 10. So far I am hanging in there. I started having a skin reaction like a mild sunburn but I feel I was able to nip that in the bud using various lotions made for radiation (I prefer "udder cream" to the mediaderm) and aquaphor. That seems to be working for now. I have to be religious about applying the salves so that my skin can maintain the moisture it needs to battle the radiation.
After radiation my day varies.
- They usually consist of time with Abby and Leo.
- Physical Therapy (I have been hard core dedicated to this because I want to regain full range of motion with my arm from the lymph node dissection and surgery).
- Exercise of some form, pilates or ballet (both of which have been difficult to do because radiation has started to make me very tired) or maybe even a walk if I am really being ambitious.
- Errands, like dry cleaners or grocery shopping or mailing things certified mail last minute to the IRS...you know that kind of thing. Ha ha ha.
- Then lunch.
- Then I *MUST* take a nap or I am an absolute mess. Sometimes my intent is to nap and then I just lay there and lay there and my mind will not rest. I then try to do my loving kindness mediation or my Dr. Mao mediation and sometimes that works...sometimes it doesn't but at least my body has been still for a while. My mind on the other hand needs to take a chill pill.
Wake up, play with Abby or Leo then prep and cook dinner.
- This is a new thing for me to do this week since I let one of my nannies go on Monday. There were too many people here and she wasn't pulling her weight plus she had started getting too comfortable and developing an attitude. I found that so disheartening particularly because she was getting paid the most. She continually was doing things wrong and it almost seemed rebellious. Oh yeah, and she damaged our car to the tune of a grand and claimed that she didn't do it...um, she was the only other person who drove my car. Anyway, we are left with one nanny, Agnes, and she is still fabulous with an uplifting attitude and a warm smile. She is wonderful with the babies and the house.
- Most importantly though I couldn't do any of that without the help of my mom and my mother-in-law Sue. They are here night and day (in that order) making sure things are taken care of, that includes me.
After Dinner, Sue gives Leo his bath. We quickly clean up the kitchen then head upstairs, sometimes reluctantly, for a bath, brushing teeth, books, rocking then bed.
After Abby and Leo are down, I do maintenance. Wash face, brush teeth, and use my magic potions plus aquaphor on the radiated area. Today I even did plies while brushing my teeth. I am obsessed with trying to do them correctly. For some reason when I do them I stick my butt out like a duck and APPARENTLY that isn't proper form...so I'm trying to practice them against the wall so my rump can't stick out like Daisy Duck.
After that I will do some stretches on the foam roller or PT exercises for my arm. Or I could watch TV in bed with David when he's in town, or I will read a book...or like 2 pages of a book before I pass out from exhaustion. Being exhausted is good in a way. I know I am accomplishing a lot and that makes me feel good.
Referring back to my mind that won't chill...well that happens at night too. I start thinking about all the things I want or need to do and then I can't sleep. I started taking trazedone to calm my mind...
PLUS they have me on singulair (which is an asthma medication but for some reason has been shown to help relieve inflammation in patients undergoing radiation) PLUS lexapro (which is an anti-depressant, chemotherapy can have lasting effects on the brain so anti-depressants are prescribed to help regulate seratonin levels), PLUS I have the lupron shots (so I am in forced menopause, I tell you the hot flashes are not my favorite) PLUS I am on xeloda (the low dose chemo pill two times a day).
So as you can see, I'm kind of a hot mess but so far I am keeping it together as best I can.
XOXO
I am glad you are back. You are such a strong woman and my prayers are with you and your family. I don't remember how I found about your blog, but I read it for strength while my husband is battling cancer. You are able to articulate so many of the emotions and fears that I have, but could never put into words. Thank you.
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