Greetings from Paradise

I think that paradise can be found within all of us. Life is what you make of it even when you think life is unfair. Start at the basic level, you are alive, you are of able mind, hopefully of able body. I am so thankful to be writing to you from a happy place. From my vacation paradise.  I am fortunate to be able to be with my family and have my health (despite the usual complaints like minor back and hip aches, usual signs of growing older) - I am glad that my complaints are minor. I am happy that I can grow older. I can witness my children doing amazing, wonderful things. I can see our family flourish.

I have been watching. I have been listening. I have been observing. Behavior. Nature. Emotions. Myself. My kids. My husband. Other People. Strangers. 

Let me tell you that for every positive there seems to be a counter balancing negative. So you have a 50/50 chance of being happy or unhappy. Which do you choose? I do my best to focus on the positive. That is NOT easy. It is much easier to focus on negative thoughts and emotions. Without realizing it one negative thought can spiral into a snowstorm of distracting, anxious, and painful emotions. We become paralyzed in these thoughts, these emotions, these behaviors. This is what I have learned to call dis-ease. Dis-ease can cause disease. The real deal. How do we break free of that pattern?

One major difference between Los Angeles and East Hampton is the drivers (I call them that loosely). Let me tell you that New York drivers, correction, New York "summer" drivers (those that don't drive all year in the city but come out to the Hamptons and "drive") are worse than you could possibly imagine. I have seem lots of terrible driving and parking. I have also seen people who put their windows down to scream, gesture or go out of their way to cause a scene. For what exactly? Bitter people whose anger festers like a puss filled sore. Seeping and oozing out at every possible chance. Their faces are full of contempt, judgement, and self-righteousness. The favorite thing for them to say is "go back where you came from" (even if the person has a New York license plate) followed by several (generous) expletives. I wish I could wash my ears out to forget what I hear. 

I saw one woman circle back around the block to come yell at another woman who parked at the bike shop, maybe she cut her off, I don't know...but the rage and vile filth that came out of her mouth towards this other woman made me sick to my stomach for hours afterward. It was so violent. It reminds me of this one time I smacked a fly dead with a newspaper in front of Abby when she was a little over a year old. It was quick and simple. One of those huge, slow, easy to kill horse flies. I didn't even think she noticed but she saw me and cried uncontrollably for quite some time. I asked Miss Laura at Bee Planet the next day why that would be and she said "it was something very violent and she was reacting to it" --- it had not even dawned on me that killing that fly, as annoying as it was, was an act of violence. That really changed my tune. I am much more aware since that time of what I do in front of my children and of how actions and behavior can be interpreted.  I wish I could hold up a video camera and show these people what they look like when they act that way. U-G-L-Y. And for what?!?! Does it really make them feel better to yell like that at someone? To have a violent reaction over something so trivial like who gets to get to their destination 20 seconds earlier than the other? Really?!? How about doing the opposite? Like letting someone in, like taking a deep breath when someone does something really stupid, or maybe even just laughing at the ignorance of another driver.  But go ahead and honk your horn if they attempt to endanger you or someone else...

This morning I had an old, crotchety man yell at me because I was riding the bicycle on the sidewalk (because cars were parked up and down the road for the antique fair; and I don't trust New York drivers especially when I have precious cargo like Leo or Abby in the baby seat). He yelled at me like it was his personal job as sidewalk police or the mayor of the town to tell me "that you shouldn't be riding your bicycle on the sidewalk!!!!" and I told him "Sorry! I won't ride on the road next to crazy drivers with the baby" but he still yelled back "you should walk him in a stroller then" ... Um, what?!?!  OK, thank you very much. I will take your advice to heart and respectfully decline to do so.  Seriously, what makes certain people feel it is their responsibility to monitor the actions of others? This is a country town. New York drivers are terrible. I'll use the sidewalk if I need to keep my child safe. End of story. It still upset me though and I then proceeded to think of lots of other (clever but some not so nice) things I could've yelled back at him. I had to process that a little then I decided to let it go. Some people just have negative stuff going on and need an outlet. I'm sorry that I had to be that old man's outlet and I'm sorry for him to be so unhappy but I won't let him ruin my day!!

I have been doing yoga every other day since I've been here and I really love it. It is a small studio that offers vinyasa style yoga mixed with the dharma (teachings from the buddha), music, and poetry. I cried for the first five classes. Even though I feel I work on my emotions and thoughts daily there is still so much that I keep way down deep. I can't tap into it until I am in that calm, meditative, and loving state. In the state of mind where I love myself and free myself from my negative mind. It is hardest to learn to love ourselves.  So for several sessions I would practice yoga with tears streaming down my face. It felt so amazing and liberating. I would set my intention at the beginning of the class either "to relax" or to "free myself" or to "love myself" or "to be thankful" depending on how I felt that day. By the end of class I would feel so amazing. I work hard but always honor how I was feeling. That's not how I used to practice yoga when I was in my 20's. That was like yoga-gymnastics and stretching. It is much different when you set an intention. I listen to my body now. It is important to listen to your intuition, to your body–not your ego. If I need to skip a vinyasa then I'll just sit there in child's pose. I'm just thankful to be there at the mat. I'm thankful to myself that I went. I give myself lots of kudos and pats on the back. Who else is doing that?  Why not do it for myself? A few things that I've heard that have stuck with me so far are "everyone complains when it is too cold in here or when it is too hot in here, so just don't complain!" and "remember to thank the inner guru who reminds you to thank you for coming to work on the mat" and "approach life like the dog who greets his master when he arrives home, with joyful exuberance and curiousity"...

This is a Kabir quote:

“Are you looking for me?
I am in the next seat.
My shoulder is against yours.
you will not find me in the stupas,
not in Indian shrine rooms,
nor in synagogues,
nor in cathedrals:
not in masses,
nor kirtans,
not in legs winding around your own neck,
nor in eating nothing but vegetables.
When you really look for me,
you will see me instantly —
you will find me in the tiniest house of time.
Kabir says: Student, tell me, what is God?
He is the breath inside the breath.”

— Kabir


I am finding lots of happiness in East Hampton. I let myself feel the glee that comes from riding the bicycle through country roads and into town. I am enjoying the paradise of the humidity, the warm sun, the lazy dog days of summer. I am enjoying the paradise of being in a smaller house with my family and taking time outs for hugs and cuddles and laughs. I am finding the paradise that can be found within my own soul. For the paradise I can create within me. For the paradise I hope to share with my husband, my children, my family and my friends. Wouldn't you rather choose that than the ugliness of those negative feelings? Would you rather be the person in your car who laughs at a crazy driver or would you rather hold a mirror up to your face too see yourself as you flip them the "bird" or shout angry, bitter words? This is life and we have a choice. I know what mine is.