I want off the fucking Lexapro. I'm reading all these terrible stories about people who try to wean and have horrific withdrawal symptoms. I want off of this drug immediately. I've emailed Philomena to get a proper weaning schedule and plan to stick with it. Fucking Eli Lilly. There is a side effect of the SSRI drugs that have be beyond frustrated and had I known I would not have started them. You can email me if you want to know about it. I can't post about it and still be a proper lady.
I've been on the Tamoxifen for 2 weeks now. I re-started the Xeloda chemo pills yesterday, that means I only have two weeks less two days of Chemo pills and then I am done. Woo hoo!!
I have headaches. General full achy ones. When I mentioned it to Philomena she immediately asked when my last brain MRI was. :( I hate that. It's probably just a stupid headache from clenching my teeth. I've only done yoga twice in the last month and have resolved to do it more often. I need to learn how to calm the hell down people. Now that I have more energy and am feeling better I have moved with fervor to get things back to normal. I have been organizing, cleansing the house, purging excess and taking stock. That is within the house and within myself. I told myself today to CALM DOWN. I decide I feel great and then want to do 137,658 things all at once and then I get mad that they can't be done faster. I have to learn to be patient. My mom laughed at me about that this week. I think she told me "patience is not something that comes easily to you"...
It's so funny. I feel like I'm doing all these things so I can relax. Maybe I should JUST stop and relax.
S T O P. Do things more slowly and deliberately. I was always the "if you want something done ask the busiest person in the room" type of girls. I don't know how to shut that off. This week I decided to clean out the garage, then the office, oh then the bookshelves in the bedroom which then led to two different projects - updating the upstairs gallery wall and design a photo project for the media room mantel with the antique bronze frames that I found. Oh then, hang art in the powder room and then display all of David's deal tombstones properly. Oh, call the contractor, the cabinet maker, the pool fence guys, Mr. Babyproofer, Art Gallery Services, get a haircut, go to the dermatologist, have two separate trial days with two babysitters, have a lymph massage, try to have lunch with a friend, go to yoga with a friend, cook dinner and sleep train Leo...
UGH UGH UGH...I need to slow down, I need to calm down. Life isn't going anywhere. Or is it? Maybe I'm afraid it will so I try too hard to live each day like it's my last. This will be my main issue going forward I imagine. Learning to find the proper balance between enjoying the present moment and maximizing the present moment. Relax vs. Achieve.
I wanted to go to Yoga today but my back went out after bending over to pick up 30 pounds of Gorgeous Baby Boy. It was a pinched nerve or something that just kept coming and going. I felt I could walk best hunched over while leaning to one side a la hunchback of Notre Dame.
Tomorrow I am taking the day off and swimming with Abby or if it is too cold then taking her to the pumpkin patch. Then after I drop her off at school I can relax during my lymph massage.
Reminder not to schedule something EVERY day of the week. I schedule when I will relax. That is just beyond ridiculous.
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